


Between The Devil and The Deep Blue Sea

by Thosetigerseyes



Category: The Worst Witch (TV 2017), The Worst Witch - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Implied Drug Abuse, Past Abuse, Past Violence, Scars, Trauma, Violence, implied eating disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 20:15:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13325682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thosetigerseyes/pseuds/Thosetigerseyes
Summary: Agatha’s latest attempt for the school has left more damage than Ada thought, her deputy is falling apart before her eyes and she has no idea why, the other teachers are no help, she’ll have to go straight to the source and ask Hecate herself.





	Between The Devil and The Deep Blue Sea

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for this, poor Hecate doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. Anyway, fair warning this is a bit heavy.
> 
> It's unbeta'd but I'm pretty sure I've weeded out most of the mistakes, however any that still remain are my own.  
> Thank you for reading !

The atmosphere was still tense after Agatha’s most recent attempt to take the school, Ada let her eyes drift over to her Deputy as she signed her name to the last letter and flicking her wrist added it to the stack with the others that were to be sent out to the parents of every student in the coming days. Hecate was sitting across from Ada as she always did when there was paperwork to be done, with her head bowed down and a crease between her brows as she handled the more complicated process of completely reorganising the curriculum to try and undo some of the damage Agatha had managed to inflict during her rule.

Ada sighed as she watched Hecate raise a hand to her forehead and rub absently at the corner of her brow. Hecate thought she was being subtle enough for Ada not to notice, unfortunately for her, Ada knew every inch of Hecate and could always tell when something was off. It hadn’t taken her more than a day to notice Hecate had receded back into herself, stressed, taut and holding on by a thread, to figure out that she was brewing Wide Awake potions again, she hadn’t needed them since her first couple of years teaching at Cackles, Ada had made sure of that, with careful and gentle persistence she had eventually broken through many of the walls Hecate had surrounded herself with, even making it as far as Hecate calling her a ‘ _Dear Friend’_ , even though Ada greatly wished for more, she was hesitant to push as Hecate was a lot more fragile than she seemed, maybe even more so than Ada had first thought. Her eyes follow the movement of Hecate’s fingers against her forehead, traveling over the creases of her skin and the dark circles under her eyes, before going back up to her hand.

Hecate’s sleeve had edged down her wrist in her ministrations and Ada felt her heart lurch and clench as her eyes settled on what she had always thought was smooth porcelain skin of her wrist, she choked back a gasp as she took in the pink scared skin encircling the delicate wrist. Hecate’s eyes shot up at the sound, mistaking it as Ada in trouble, a panicked expression flitting across her face as her eyes did a quick sweep of Ada’s form, assessing for any injury or cause for alarm, brow furrowing when she came up blank. Swallowing thickly Ada screws her eyes shut for a moment, opening them again to meet Hecate’s worried gaze, seemingly oblivious to the cause of the outburst.

“Hecate…” Ada rasps out, inching her arm across the desk to hover over Hecate’s own, hesitating before she brings it back to rest in her own lap again. Hecate’s eyes follow her movements, deep frown still etched into her brow until her eyes settle upon her own wrist, sitting still under Ada’s previously hovering hand. Ada sees her stiffen, colour draining from her already pale skin as she quickly drags her arm from the desk into her lap, from her position on the opposite side of the desk, Ada can only barely see her flex her fingers and shake her hand, before she feels the tingle of magic in the air…. A Glamour, no wonder she hadn’t noticed before, she was sure there was no way she could have missed it of her own accord. She hears Hecate swallow between her quickened breathes, refusing to meet Ada’s gaze. Sighing – Ada takes deep breathe, steadying her own heart and breathing before she raises a hand, flicking her fingers in the direction of the coffee table by the fire, summoning a tea tray laden with a steaming tea pot, cups and a plate of biscuits – she knows Hecate won’t touch – but summons anyway.

“Tea?” She clears her throat and rises softly, walking around the edge of her desk and placing a gentle hand on Hecate’s shoulder, she’s still sitting rigid in the chair, but softens slightly at Ada’s touch, seemingly resigning herself to the coming conversation. “I think we have some things to discuss dear, don’t you?” Voice soft as she urges Hecate over to her usual chair across from her by the fire place.

Hecate gulps but nods minutely, before rising somewhat stiffly and edging carefully over, hesitating briefly, weighing up the consequences of fleeing with those of staying, coming to the conclusion that Ada has shown her nothing but kindness and only has her interests at heart, before settling into the arm chair. She bites her tongue, holding back the sudden immense need to apologise and beg for forgiveness, she can only hold it for so long.

“I’m sorry Ada, I should have … Held the Glamour better…. I must have lost concentration for moment or… I” It comes out as a husk and she falters at Ada’s wide eyed look.

“Sorry? Whatever for my dear?” Ada pauses mid reach of the tea pot, making sure to meet Hecate’s eyes. “Surely you can’t blame yourself for someone else’s cruelty towards you? Even by your own hand someone must have caused you to feel the way one needs to inflict such pain upon themselves.”

Ada reaches forward again and pours their tea, black with no milk or sugar for Hecate and milky and sweet for herself, she uses the distraction to steady herself, she has to be delicate with Hecate if she wants her to talk. Hecate fidgets restlessly across from her, clearly uncomfortable with the topic, Ada tries softly to lessen her discomfort.

“You needn’t hide from me Hecate, you know that” She fixes her with a warm gaze, trying to prove to Hecate that she cares for her deeply.

“I … Didn’t…I….” Hecate chokes back her own sob, dropping her head and screwing her eyes shut as she tries hopelessly to reign in her emotions.   
  


She really was on her last thread, exhausted from endless nights awake, too afraid to sleep after the nightmares had come back with a vengeance.   
She had nearly managed a week of waking bolt upright covered in sweat, tears streaming from her eyes as she had panted from the quickly fading nightmares she had been gripped in before she had given up on sleep entirely and had once again begun to rely on Wide Awake potions, that was nearly four weeks ago now and she was dangerously close to reaching the limits of how much of the potion her body could stand, she had hoped with Agatha gone and Ada reinstated she would just slip back into her old routine, unfortunately it hadn’t been so easy.

Having her magic taken out of her own control by Agatha had distilled a weakness and fear in her that she hadn’t experienced since her hellish years under Mistress Broomhead in Witch Training College, it had brought the long buried memories rushing back at full force and she had found herself paralyzed under Agatha’s rule. She could have easily taken both Agatha and Gullet down quickly in a duel, she was after all an immensely powerful witch and Agatha was working on stolen powers, but instead she had crumpled and had let them stomp around Ada’s school, destroying all decorum, threating students and tearing the well organised school year apart. She had at least managed to direct most of Agatha’s torment towards herself, she couldn’t let her girls go through even a quarter of what she had experienced in her school days, so she had taken the restriction of her magic, the insults and the hexes on the chin, had done as Agatha had commanded her in hopes of sparing the other staff and the students, even as it tore apart her carefully built mental shields.

During the weeks Ada was trapped inside the picture, she had stumbled through her days, barely managed to keep up with the minimal classes Agatha had left in place, she was reduced to trailing around the castle, trying to pick up the pieces of the school and herself that Agatha chipped away at, healing any hexes that had hit target with rudimentary supplies and potions, locked out of her beloved lab unless supervised least she try and overthrow the new regime.   
  


Now she found herself unable to hold even a simple Glamour, something she should have be able to manage in her sleep, something she had managed for years on end without it ever faltering, she was losing control and that scared her more than any nightmare ever could, she relied on her magic, it had been beaten into her, she feared she was nothing without it. The past weeks had only proved her fears to be true.

“You can talk to me Hecate…. If you feel able? I won’t pressure you…. But if Agatha did anything, I need to know.” Ada’s voice broke through the haze of her melancholy and she looked up, locking eyes with her concerned gaze, taking in the tension in Ada’s posture and voice.   
She was the last member of staff to talk to Ada about the weeks of Agatha’s rule, so far Ada had been patient, waiting for Hecate to come to her but the thought of her sister hurting Hecate in anyway set her blood boiling and she felt a sudden urgency to hear Hecate’s side of the story. Ada hadn’t learnt much from the other members of staff only that Hecate had footed the brunt of Agatha’s wrath,  had done her upmost to hold the school together in Ada’s absence beyond that she’s still unsure what unfolded.

Wanting to ease the tension wound tightly around Ada’s very being, determined to put Ada’s happiness before her own discomfort, Hecate lets out a deep sigh and shakes her right wrist gently, dissolving the Glamour, the fingers of her left hand coming to run over the bumped skin in an all too familiar pattern.

“I’ve told you about my time in college… Some of that time anyway.” She clears her throat, still rubbing absently at her wrist. “I had told you of a severely strict professor, one I had private lessons and tutoring with.”

Ada nods, not wanting to interrupt Hecate now that she had started talking, but still wanting to get across her clear intent to listen.

“You’ve heard of a Mistress Broomhead, I’m sure…. She became quite infamous towards the end of her tenure.” Hecate raises her eyes again, just in time to catch the recognition and shock flash across Ada’s face.

Mistress Broomhead had become infamous indeed, all her sordid secrets and the activity of her classes in the colleges dungeon coming to light at the end of her career, the hapless students that had been dragged into her gravity had been left out of the reports, having apparently suffered enough already. Hecate had been one of her last students, one of the ones after her had been reported missing, leading to investigations and conclusion that the poor girl had died under Mistress Broomhead’s instruction, too weak to handle the burden of her tuition.

“You weren’t….” Ada had gasped, before her hand could fly up to cover her mouth.

“Five years…. I thought of leaving the college, of trying to run away…. However, she made that impossible when she magically sealed a tracking and… Control bracelet around my wrist, there was nowhere I could go that she wouldn’t find me…. Not that I would have gotten very far anyway, it had the power to be quite …. Incapacitating.” Hecate had raised her wrist slightly, gazing down at the bracelet shaped scar she was condemned to carry for the rest of her life, one amongst many that littered her body, hidden under her long sleeved, high necked robes.

Hecate suddenly realised this was the first time she had every really talked about her time under Mistress Broomhead, she wasn’t sure if she was finding it cathartic or if she had started to disassociate, either way, the words were tumbling from between her lips with no apparent notion of stopping. Ada on the other hand looked to be on the brink of tears, hovering on the edge of her seat as if she were about to launch herself across to table and envelope Hecate in a hug.

“She was cruel and vindictive, with little to no care for her student’s safety, in fact she actively worked against it…. There were more times than not I was left unconscious and bleeding on the floor of the old dungeons…” Hecate reached forward for her tea, hoping to ease the dryness of her throat, tea cup rattling slightly against the saucer in her unsteady hands, taking a sip and grimacing at the lukewarm temperature, she inched it away from her face planning on enchanting it hot again, but Ada beat her to it with a flick of her fingers, trying to offer Hecate a small smile, and just about managing it, even though it greatly contradicted with the watering of her eyes. “Ada…. I’m not sure you want to hear this, it’s not something you can easily forget…”

This time Ada did get up from her chair, inching carefully toward Hecate, twirling a hand to extend her armchair to a sofa, Hecate jolted a bit in surprise before she merely moved aside slightly to make room for Ada. Turning towards Hecate and accidently knocking their knees together, Ada reaches to gently place a hand on her knee, watching Hecate’s reactions carefully, she was stiff but didn’t appear to be about to bolt from the room. Ada took a deep breath, swallowing around the lump in her throat as her heart beat rapidly against her ribs.

“Hecate, I care about you…. More than you know, I want to be here for you with things like this.” Hecate watched her perplexed as Ada barrelled on. “I won’t lie and say it doesn’t tear me apart, because it does, the thought alone on anything happening to you is enough to…. That doesn’t mean I won’t listen to you, if you feel it helps, I’ll listen for as long as you need.”

“I am so blessed to have a friend as dear as you Ada, truly.” Hecate glanced down at Ada’s hand on her knee, placing her own on top of it and squeezing gently. Ada squeezed back, biting back to sudden nausea as her stomach tangled into knots.  _Friends_  of course.

Over the course of the evening Hecate told Ada everything of her time at the college, they had to take breaks occasionally when it became too intense for either Hecate or Ada. She told her of the endless potions she would have to test, Blistering Potions that had boiled and burst the skin from her bones, Water Breathing Potions that left her gasping for breath and suffocating in the air of the classroom, Agony Potions that did nothing but inflict pure unaltered pain, Potions of Living Death that left her paralyzed and unmoving on the floor for days on end, no sign of the antidote from her tutor, the better she was at brewing them the worse they were, it was a double edged sword, fail the brew and be punished or succeed and have to test a horrific potion that worked perfectly.

There were times Hecate would be presented with a pre-brewed potion, told she must identify it by smell alone and brew the necessary antidote, should she get it wrong, she would have to suffer the consequences alone. At first it was manageable should she get it wrong, she would have to suffer through a week of haemophilia, bleeding at every bump or scratch, if she was careful it wouldn’t be life threatening, the mild potions didn’t last for long, after a particularly nasty mix up that left her suffering from horrendous hallucinations for months of end, nearly driving her to the brink of insanity, she vowed she would never mistake another potion again, she spent every spare minute she had learning the ingredients for every potion imaginable, and noting the most potent ingredients for each one.

Hecate still remembers the feeling of each and every potion she was made to suffer through, Ada recoils in horror when amongst her list Hecate adds the Potion of Liquid Death as if it were something as simple and benign as a Hiccupping Potion. It was at this point they had to take their first break, Ada refreshing the tea and biscuits as Hecate fiddled with the sleeves of her gown. Ada’s hands shakes as she lifts the tea pot, caught up in imagining a sweet young Hecate being subjected to dying alone on a cold stone floor as her merciless tutor looks on dispassionately bringing her back from the very brink each time only to make her test it again.

It doesn’t get any better when Ada learns of what would happen should she fail to brew or identify a potion properly, Mistress Broomhead’s cruelty wasn’t restricted to mere neglect it would seem, she took a hands on approach to punishments, often hurling severing or battering hexes at her students. The real malice lied in the fact that she infused her curses with the essence of her own magic, ensuring her charges would never be able to forget their time in her tutorage no matter how hard they tried, as they would always bear the scars of her torment, least she remove them herself, which she only deigned to do if they were overly visible to save herself of any enquires.   
Ada bite her lip to hold back a sob as she pictured Hecate’s pale soft skin spattered with white ridged scars, it suddenly explains Hecate’s choice of apparel and self-conscious nature that had in the early years confused Ada, why someone so beautiful would feel the need to hide themselves away instead of flaunting their beauty to the world. She felt an overwhelming hatred towards the woman that had caused Hecate so much pain and suffering, that still managed to haunt her, Ada wanted nothing more than to hold Hecate and tell her how loved she was and that in Ada’s eyes she was perfect regardless of the scars of her past, if anything it made Ada love her more for how brave and resilient she had been.

When Hecate had eventually fallen quiet, coming to the end of her retelling, glancing up nervously to meet Ada’s eyes, she was astounded by the sheer amount of care and love she found pouring from Ada’s expression, swallowing thickly Hecate bite back the sudden feeling of guilt that sat heavy in her stomach.  _This is Ada, she cares, and it’s okay to share with her._

“…. I am sorry Ada, I really shouldn’t burden you with this -” Ada had lurched forward and grasped Hecate’s hands at the first utterance of an apology, smoothing her thumb over the soft unmarked skin of Hecate’s hands.

“No, no Hecate darling, I’m glad you did… I just need to know – need to know if Agatha -” Hecate’s eyes had widened unperceptively at Ada’s slip of endearment, if she hadn’t been so worried for Hecate’s answer she may have blushed, clearing her throat and taking a deep breath Ada tries to continue in a steady voice, only barely managing it. “If she did anything,  _anything_  like this to you”

Ada isn’t sure if she’ll manage to not break down should Hecate confirm her worst fears that she had been hurt at her sister’s hand, that Ada had inadvertently caused Hecate harm by believing there was any good left to be found in her sister.   
Ada’s wholly certain she wouldn’t be able to bear it, the thought of her darling sweet Hecate being mistreated due to her own foolishness.

“It was nothing by comparison Ada… Please don’t worry.” Hecate’s gaze had fallen down to their still joined hands.

“Hecate, you’re not yourself, not since Agatha…. Something happened, the other teachers don’t know, I can’t let this slide, the Great Wizard punished her for taking the school and her entrapment of us all, but I’m afraid… There’s more to it than that, and I need you to tell me”

Hecate had refused to look up at Ada, looking down on her bent posture Ada could just make out Hecate biting the corner of her lip, clearly debating on how best to respond, Ada would wait, she knew better than most that Hecate needed time to work out her responses, to file through all her thoughts before replying and she wouldn’t push her, especially not now.

When no response seemed forthcoming Ada sighed, resigned to the fact that Hecate would need coaxing to respond, she worried of what pushing her would do to their carefully built friendship but she really did need to know.

“There’s no denying it Hecate, you seriously don’t think I haven’t noticed, do you? - The Wide Awake potions, how tense you’ve been, avoiding meals and the staff room, how far away you’ve been, it’s like you’re not even in the same room as the rest of us half the time.”

Over the course of Ada’s speech Hecate had gone completely rigid, tightly gripping her edges of her sleeves, the muscle in her jaw twitching against her cheek.

“I had thought… That is to say, I didn’t think anyone would …” Hecate falters, her admission dying on the end of her tongue, and insecure look flitting across her face.

“Would what? … Care?”

Ada lets out an agitated huff, as much as she wants to be gentle with Hecate, she also wishes she could bang her head against a wall if it only meant she finally grasped the idea that people did actually care for her, love her even. She had hoped after all her years teaching at Cackles she would have felt part of the family, apparently that had never actually sunk in for Hecate. Ada could have kicked herself for not making it clearer, for not making sure Hecate understood her place in the castle, how dear she was.

“Look at me Hecate” Crooking a finger under Hecate’s chin, Ada urges her to meet her eyes, she needs to understand what Ada is going to say is utterly completely true. Hecate flinches slightly at Ada’s touch and she curses herself, but pushes on regardless.   
  


“I care, everyone here cares for you, and we wouldn’t wish for a single thing to go against you, least of all to leave you all alone to deal with the extent of Agatha’s plans. Please know that, know that we’re here to support you, you’re not alone, not anymore, not since the first day you stepped foot into this castle.” Hecate’s brows furrowed, the mere idea of being included seemingly out of her grasp. Ada was bordering on exasperation, frayed nerves and tension swirling around her.

“How can you not know that I love you so dearly? That I would do near on anything for you, I really have let you down Hecate and that pains me more than anything”

“….Love me?” Hecate was wide eyed again, brows arched high on her face. Ada felt panic consume her briefly, followed quickly by swift resolve, yes, she would get Hecate through this and then she would never let any like it happen again, she would show Hecate just how loved she truly was. Squaring her shoulders, she ran her thumb across Hecate’s jaw and took a deep steadying breath.

“Yes, I do, very much so dear….But I have to know first, please tell me what happened with Agatha and I promise we’ll discuss this afterwards. Please.” Hecate ran her eyes over Ada’s pleading face, something snapping into place behind her eyes as she nodded stiffly.

“Really Ada, it wasn’t as bad as you believe it to be.”

“The Great Wizard told me that threatened to destroy the school, the girls.”

“Well she nearly got away with that anyway, so it was hardly a threat…” Hecate had huffed, guilt at not being able to stop Agatha herself gnawing at her insides.

“Miss Drill mentioned hexes…”

“Yes, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle. It should be the students caught in the crossfire that you direct your concern to…”

“Then what Hecate? Why do you resemble the girl that had practically fallen through my gates on her first day?” Hecate bristled at the memory, embarrassed at the state she had allowed herself to be seen in, her weakness in her youth. Hecate could feel the last of her threads breaking at the feeling of shame that ran through her.

“She got into my head Ada!  _My mind_ , she tore down every last wall and support I had built and ripped out all of the darkest aspects of myself I had tried so desperately to hide!” Hecate had reduced herself to whimpering,  _Damn your weakness Girl_. “Do you know what that’s like?! I felt as if I was drowning! I am  _still_  drowning, she let it all out and no matter how hard I try I just can’t-“ She broke off into a sob, one hand wrapping around her waist the other coming up to cover her mouth.

Ada felt the nausea come back tenfold, crushing her under the weight of what Agatha had done. Agatha’s stunt with the total obedience spell had been bad enough, taking control of another witch by means of spell or potion was a punishable offence, but invading another witches mind, altering her very being? That was something else entirely, such an unthinkable act that Ada had trouble coming to terms with it, she had never thought anyone possible of such malice, let alone her own sister.

“- She  _broke_  me Ada” It was barely a whisper but it struck Ada like a truck, choking on her own breath, Ada finally gave up on trying to give Hecate space, dragging the sobbing younger witch into her arms, rubbing soothing patterns up her arms and down her sides.

“ _Oh Hecate_ ” Ada could barely manage breathe herself for the sheer feelings of pain and anxiety seeping out of Hecate’s form, rocking them gently as she tried to clutch on to anything to mend her broken girl. “My dear sweet girl, I’ve got you, I’ll never let you go, don’t worry”

Ada continues murmuring sweet reassurances against Hecate’s hair, as the sobs eventually give way to mere sniffles and stifled yawns. Hecate really was exhausted, bordering on collapse, that would be one of the first things Ada would address, she wasn’t sure how yet, but she was determined to fix the damages her careless sister had caused, bit by bit she would bring Hecate back to herself, she would right all the wrongs Hecate had endured throughout her life. Amidst her ruminating Ada feels more than hears Hecate mumble something against her chest, leaning back to give Hecate room, Ada glances down at her over the rim of her glasses, balancing precariously on the end of her nose.

“What was that, dear?”

“I don’t understand how you could ever love me, Ada – I’m no good.” Just like it was against her chest, Hecate’s admission is rasped out between sniffles and the odd hiccup. If Ada’s heart hadn’t already been shattered in to a million pieces over the course of the evening, it would have done so right then. After everything, this wonderful, brilliant, beautiful and damaged woman still believed herself unworthy of Ada’s love, after all she had just bared to her.

“People rarely do, love isn’t something to be understood, it’s felt, and my darling Hecate, I can promise you that I feel very much in love with you, regardless of everything you’ve told me, if anything it makes me love you more, you brave sweet girl, I just wish I could keep you safe from this awful world you’ve endured-”

Stroking a gentle hand down Hecate’s cheek, whipping away stray tears as she goes, Ada gracing Hecate with the most meaningful look she could muster.

“- And I promise you, you will never have to be alone through it again, that is of course if you’ll have me?”

In hindsight Ada probably should have considered the chance that Hecate might not feel the same way at all, the intensity of the evening had blindsided her, provoking her into baring her heart like Hecate had, with little to no forethought. As the silence stretched on Ada began to wish she had kept it all to herself, but no she thought, regardless Hecate deserves to know how loved she is, even if it ends up unrequited.

Ada screws her eyes shut, pressing her lips into a line as an unwelcome tight feeling grips her heart. Of course, Hecate had said it herself earlier, just  _Dear Friends_. Ada could live with that, she could tuck her feelings away and do whatever was best for Hecate, she had loved her from a far for this long, what’s to stop her from going back to it.  _Could you really?_  The traitorous thought leached into her brain.

She needn’t have worried though, for after a brief pause to collect her own emotions Hecate had straightened up in Ada’s lap, reaching forward to hover only an inch from Ada’s face, before pressing the softest of kisses against her lips, Ada’s eyes flew open to search Hecate’s own watery eyes, seeing the love and adoration reflected back at her, clear as day.

“How could I not love you, Ada Cackle? It would be a sin of the highest order.” Hecate’s lips managed the small curl of a smile, the first Ada had seen in weeks and it melted her heart. Everything would be okay, it would be tough but they would sort it out together, that Ada was sure of.


End file.
